Often I feel very impatient to have my skills catch up to my desires. Learning to slow down, breathe and enjoy the journey rather than fret and worry is something that I struggle with. Anticipating vacations is often something filled with similar anxiety and worry. Drives my husband batty since he is a much more chill person than as well as very logical and anxiety over fun things like vacations doesn't make a lot of sense to him. Thankfully as we take more vacations as a family and I even get to go out on my own once or twice a year this anxiety is starting to wane a bit. But the anxiety I have over my artistic skills and accomplishments still beats strong. I compare myself to others and see all my shortcomings and have a mini freak out. Today I tell myself to relax and enjoy the journey in my sketchbook. Whatever my destination to trust that I will get there. Working on some continuous line and blind contour drawings and other sketches on this lovely Friday. Planning for a fantastic weekend with all sorts of cool and inspiring events happening right in Boston. This weekend I will remember that I can change and not just grow in artistic skills and pick up new positive habits such as keeping a sketchbook and running, but I can also grow and become less anxious over time.
Last week I took myself out to a local gallery. The children were having a meltdown after school so I fed them and gave them a bath and as soon as my husband got home I cleaned myself up a little bit and headed out the door. The Morning Pages that I write thanks to The Artist's Way have proven themselves to be an invaluable tool. But they have been the only part of the book that I have done with any consistently. I haven't even finished half the book. And I have always been terrible about taking time for myself and going out and having small children has only encouraged that tendency since by the end of the day I am usually so tired. But I got an email that local friend Quemby M Bucklaew was having an opening there I made the time to go. Getting out the door was not easy and neither was talking to the gallery owner and giving him one of my ATCs but it did not kill me. In fact I had a pretty good time and think I should make time to go to more things like this around the area. This is a time to treat myself that I struggle with but must do more often.